November 19, 2009

365 project: Day 35

*This will be my last 365 update for a little while. I'm still going to be taking a picture every day, but due to a family emergency I will be out of town for at least a week and will be unable to post them until I get back.*

Boundaries. I don't like them. I don't like to hear that I can't do something with my own life. At least not without a really good reason. My immediate thought is "Well, why not?" or "Says who?" I don't like being bound by someone else's limitations, opinions, ideas of right and wrong or what is or isn't "appropriate". I have this ornery side to my personality where I just can't help but question those boundaries. I think that's a big part of what makes me who I am. This is why it is so frustrating to me when there is something standing in my way. Money, time, life...things that I don't have much control over. But don't you worry, I will find a way.

However, I find the limitations that are the hardest to overcome are the ones I impose on myself. I don't know if it is insecurity or fear, but sometimes I hold myself back. What if I fail? What will I do then? Do I even have a Plan B? Not really. What am i supposed to do when I am the one holding me back?

I find myself living in a world of self-doubt. Its hard to be your own cheerleader when even YOU feel like you can't accomplish what you've set out to do. Those are the times when I feel like I am settling for a life that is less than what I dream of. But when I allow myself to overcome my doubts and fears, I have accomplished things that surprise even me.

I have decided that I can't live in fear of my own dreams and ambition. You only live once and there is no reason why I can't have everything I want out of my life.

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