June 15, 2010

365 Project: Day 127

Oh inspiration....where are you? An old friend of mine keeps telling me to look up. I'm not sure what this means, or why he keeps telling me to do so. I tried it. FYI Paul, it didn't work.

I have so many ideas...that's not really the issue. The problem is actually putting them into action. Its the process of creating that is, well, for the lack of a better word...its stuck. My creativity, which is usually flowing like a river, has slowed to an annoying drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet. 

Its such a strange feeling. Creating isn't an essential human need like water or food. I will technically live without it, but it is essential to my sanity. I find it fascinating that when I think of what this feels like to me, I think of physical pain. I feel like the person I am inside of this body is being deprived of something I need. Its become this torturous process for me. Its stifling. I feel like I'm gasping for a breath of air that just isn't enough to sustain me. 
I'm working on it though. I'm going through the motions. Its so frustrating to have all of this inside of me and not be able to do anything about it. I'm creatively paralyzed. I have all these ideas and goals but I just can't get them out of my head and into reality. Forcing it only makes it worse. I'm only getting more and more frustrated. I need to be patient and wait for it all to come naturally. Once I stop obsessing, I know everything will come so much easier. The problem is....I'm not a patient person.

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