I find myself standing like this when I'm really thinking about something. I stretch my arms up, I pull my hair away from my face, I take a deep breath and I rest my hands on my head. You can even see me doing this in Day 31's picture. I've been catching myself standing like this and looking out the window a lot lately. Its interesting the things you notice yourself doing when you're just being yourself.
I look out the window or I stand on the porch and I just stare. Not at anything in particular...just into the distance. I don't know what is going on with me lately. I'm tired, I'm on edge, I'm unmotivated, I'm frustrated, I can't focus on one thing for more than five minutes at a time. I'm bored. I feel like I've hit a wall on so many levels. Creatively, personally, mentally. I think the inevitable has happened and I have burned myself out. I'm right on schedule though. I shouldn't be surprised. Its been about one year in the same place and I have that anxious feeling growing in the pit of my stomach. I should have expected it.
I've had this stagnant feeling many times before. Something is missing. I'm impatient for a change. I feel myself being pulled away from this place, from my routine, from my life. It doesn't seem like I'm moving in the right direction. Or any direction at all. This nervous energy is building inside of me. Its like I'm about to burst and go flying in 500 directions at once just for the sake of progress. I'm trying to hold it in, but I am constantly asking myself, "What am I doing? What's the next step?" It consumes me.
I want to be able to look out the window and for once be content. I just want to be satisfied. But I don't think I'm capable of that. I can't imagine a point in my life that it will ever happen. I will only be satisfied in a state of constant motion. I am a restless soul. *sigh*
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