365 Project: Day 124

There are so many things about people and life and this world that I don't understand. I try so hard. 

Some days it just exhausts me. 

365 Project: Day 93

I woke up this morning with the groggy haze of sleep thick in my head. I couldn't sleep last night. I just couldn't settle. I tried watching a movie, I tried listening to some music...and nothing. Not one droopy eye lid, not one yawn. I was wide awake. I finally nodded off around 4:30 this morning.

When I finally pried myself out of bed around 11 o'clock I didn't even think twice when I put on the boots that were next to my bed instead of the slippers I usually wear in the morning. I slipped my arms into my robe and headed to the kitchen to make a BIG pot of coffee. Its wasn't until I had finished that first cup that I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized what I was wearing. I paused, cup in hand, and looked myself over in the full length mirror. I had to laugh and shake my head at myself. I might have even rolled my eyes. I looked ridiculous and I had been walking around for at least an hour like this before I even noticed that I was wearing boots.

These are the little moments that make me aware of myself from an outside perspective. I like that I can laugh at myself and these little quirks in my personality. Things like this are what make me who I am. These are the moments that make up my life. These are the private little moments that make up my relationship with myself. It was one of those moments when you catch yourself just being yourself.

365 project: Day 34

I am not a morning person by any means. I generally roll out of bed about 9:30-ish. But this morning I sprang from my sheets at such a speed it surprised even me.

I was escaping a nightmare.

This is very unusual for me. I don't remember my dreams very often, but when I do they are almost always pleasant. Not this morning. My eyes popped open like I was forcing myself awake. I was afraid and confused. It took me a second to even figure out where I was. As soon as I oriented myself and calmed down a little I couldn't get myself out of bed fast enough.

Since I work from home, I'm careful to treat my daily routine like a "real" job. I make a point to get up and get dressed and not stay in my pjs all day. Even though I probably could and no one would care except me. But today, I can't seem to get out of my robe in a timely manner. I feel jarred and disturbed by this whole experience.

I know why I had this nightmare. I know exactly what it was about and that makes is all the more scary to me. It was too real. It was all too possible in reality. Dreams and nightmares are supposed to be symbolic and unrealistic. They are supposed to speak to you from your subconscious. This one was yelling in my face.

365 Project: Day 17

I'm not feeling very well today. I wish I could snuggle up with myself and take a nap.