365 project: Day 34

I am not a morning person by any means. I generally roll out of bed about 9:30-ish. But this morning I sprang from my sheets at such a speed it surprised even me.

I was escaping a nightmare.

This is very unusual for me. I don't remember my dreams very often, but when I do they are almost always pleasant. Not this morning. My eyes popped open like I was forcing myself awake. I was afraid and confused. It took me a second to even figure out where I was. As soon as I oriented myself and calmed down a little I couldn't get myself out of bed fast enough.

Since I work from home, I'm careful to treat my daily routine like a "real" job. I make a point to get up and get dressed and not stay in my pjs all day. Even though I probably could and no one would care except me. But today, I can't seem to get out of my robe in a timely manner. I feel jarred and disturbed by this whole experience.

I know why I had this nightmare. I know exactly what it was about and that makes is all the more scary to me. It was too real. It was all too possible in reality. Dreams and nightmares are supposed to be symbolic and unrealistic. They are supposed to speak to you from your subconscious. This one was yelling in my face.

365 Project: Day 20

I figured since I'm usually up most of the night anyway, I might as well get an early start on Day 20.

This is my porch. I sit out here all the time. During the day I'll sit and watch people walk by, get some air, and clear my head when I get tired of being cooped up inside working. At night, when everyone else is sleeping, I go out here to think and look at the sky. This wall has a dip in it that is the perfect angle to lean against.

There is a lot going on in my life right now so I went outside to sort it out with the stars for a while. There is something so calming about the night. Everything is so still and quiet while everyone is recharging for the day to come. And here I sit. Not sleeping. Restless. Not part of that cycle. Waiting for the world to come alive again.

365 versions of myself

Sometimes I think that there might actually be this many different parts of me. Somehow they all fit together to form this one person. So I am going to attempt to capture myself in as many different ways as possible over the next year of my life. Yes, I have finally made up my mind to tackle the 365 project.

I have been thinking about taking this on for a while now and I just couldn't find the motivation to get started. Just thinking about the task at hand already has me feeling overwhelmed. But I am going to do it.

I thought I'd start out with a bang and not only take one photo, but a series of photos. I figured what better place to start, but at the beginning...

Day 1: My Insomnia

I, for whatever reason, have not slept a full night in quite a while. My mind wanders. I sit on the porch and watch the stars. I work. I go for a run. I watch movies. I read. I listen to music. I pace. I am completely restless. I'm never in bed earlier than 3 or 4 in the morning and often I don't start to drift off to sleep until the first sign of dawn. By then, of course, its light out and I can't sleep because its so bright. There are nights when I don't sleep at all.

I'll go on like this for days until I eventually crash, usually about 2 or 3 in the afternoon, one day when my body just can't take the exhaustion any more. Then I sleep a couple of hours and start the routine all over again. I broke down and bought a body pillow yesterday. Lets see if that helps.