365 Project: Day 92

I am a list maker. I always have been. I live my life task by task, checking things off of a never ending to do list. I was thinking, if I make a daily to do list, why shouldn't I make a to do list for my life. So, I've decided that I'm going to make a running list of all the things that I want to experience or accomplish in my life. Dreams, goals, travel destinations, milestones, landmarks or places I want to visit, things I want to photograph. Sort of a map of the places that i'd like for life to take me. Sort of a bucket list I guess. But I don't want to think of it as a list of things to do before I die. That just feels like I'm working against the clock. I'd be checking things off my list as more of a means to an end. Who knows when I'll die anyway? That could happen tomorrow for all I know. I want to think of it more as a guideline for living my life. I have so many random things that I want to do or projects I want to start, and as life goes on, those things get forgotten, or put off until another day. You know, that magical day when everything is finally perfect, the stars align, I have more free time, more money, etc. I hate to break it to myself, but that day may never come and I can't just keep waiting for it. So, its time to come up with a game plan.

By the way, these headphones are my new favorite toy. Well, I guess my new favorite old toy. These were mine a really long time ago and I gave them to my sister for whatever reason a few years ago. She just found them in a box yesterday and gave them back to me. I love the way music sounds through headphones like these. Earbuds are just not the same. Listening to music with these headphones is like hearing your favorite songs for the first time all over again! If you are a music lover and don't own a really good pair of headphones, I highly suggest you rectify that situation immediately.

365 Project: Day 84

On the road....again. I just can't seem to stay home these days. I'm off to fulfill another of my many New Year's resolutions, to photograph more musicians. This weekend I'm shooting Mike Kelly, Asleep At The Wheel, and Bleu Edmondson.

Long drives alone through the desert are good for contemplating the complexities of life. On my drive I was thinking about why I waited so long to really pursue my dreams of being a photographer. I've known this is what I wanted to be since I was a little kid. I'm going be 27 next month and I have just now gotten my butt in gear? I know what was holding me back: fear. Knowing what you want out of life is scary. What if I try as hard as I can and it just doesn't happen? Then what am I going to do? Failure is not an option here. I have no back up plan. This is the only plan.

I feel like I'm getting a late start, but I guess its better late than never. Maybe its good that I hesitated for so long. Now, I'm older, I'm wiser and this time around I really mean it. I really want this. I see now what I was missing out on during all those years of being afraid. How did I ever expect to get what I wanted if I never even really tried? I've realized that not trying my hardest is failing and that is unacceptable.

I look back on all of that time and now I see myself clear as day. I wonder what in the world did I think I was doing? I wouldn't call all those years a waste of time though. They were only a waste if I learned nothing and I feel like I have gained so much from that experience. All those years of internal struggle, being afraid of my ambition and not really understanding why I was unhappy. I could have lived my entire life that way. I guess that's just my style. Stubborn. I don't learn unless I struggle. This lesson took me almost 10 years to learn the hard way. They say hindsight is 20/20 and man, they are right. My future may be blurry, but at least I know I'm headed in the right direction.

365 Project: Day 77

Today is the first day of 2010. Not only is it the beginning of a new year, its the beginning of a new decade. I have always loved New Year's Day and all that it represents. I like the idea of a fresh start. Its a time to put all the mistakes you made over the last year behind you and resolve to do better and try harder this time around. My cousin said to me the other day that this year she will be 2000 and thin. Say it out loud. Yep, very clever. A new year fills people with hope that they can make a change for the better. Really, if it weren't for a calendar, this would be just like any other day. But, because it is the first day in a 365 day cycle it is seen as a beginning. It feels like a new beginning to me.

I made a lot of major changes in 2009. None of which were actual resolutions of mine. In fact, I only remember one of my resolutions from 2009. It was to get back in shape, and I did. I started running every day and I lost 20 lbs. I feel like 2009 was the year I started my life over. It was a long, rough year for me in so many ways. I burned a lot of bridges, I revisited a lot of old ones, and I built a lot of new ones. I finally got the courage to change the things in my life that were making me unhappy. I started working on my photography full time. I began this 365 project. I moved, again. But it was an important move because it brought me home. I've spent more time with my family in the last 7 months than I have in the last 8 years total since I moved away. There is nothing like going home again to recharge you, ground you, remind you who you are and that there are people in the world who will always love you and take care of you no matter what. My family has proven that to me time and time again. They are my rock and I am so grateful for them and all the support they give me.

I'm starting 2010 feeling stronger. I'm starting out on the right foot with goals, dreams, direction, and hope. Real, genuine hope for a happy, fulfilled future. For once, I feel like I'm headed in the right direction. There is a positive momentum happening in my life and everything just keeps falling into place, piece by piece. I'm working harder than I ever have and I'm happier than I have ever been. In fact, I don't even think happy is a big enough word to describe how I feel these days. I just feel really good about where I am right now and that is a refreshing, welcome change.

I have a long list of resolutions. Some of them are small changes, some of them are just goals that I want to accomplish, and some of them are really going to be a challenge. I'm going to list them, because I want you all to help keep me in check this year. I'm sure I'm leaving some things out, but I put a lot of time into this list. I really thought hard about what I could do better, where I should devote more time and energy, what will make me happier and more fulfilled, what is in my life that is holding me back?

Business Goals/Resolutions:
- Figure out what I'm going to do with this 365 Project when I'm finished. Should I publish it? Offer the prints for sale? Submit it to a gallery? Nothing? I'm just not sure where I'm going with it yet.

- Find a new project to start when my 365 project is finished in October. I'm really enjoying this project and I'm going to be sad when its over. I need a new project to transition into.

- Enter at least one photography contest a month or as many as I can afford. I hear about photography contests all the time and I never enter or I can't afford to. This year I want to enter.

- Start selling my fine art prints/gifts wholesale. I feel like this is the next step. I love my Etsy shop and I won't stop selling retail, but I want my business to grow.

- Expand my portrait business to include much more music photography: promo shots, album covers, live performance shots, etc. I LOVE music and I want to incorporate it into my life in as many ways as I can. This will make me very happy.

- Submit my work to galleries, local coffee houses, business, salons, basically anywhere that is willing to hang it. I would love to have my work hanging in a public place.

- Take business classes offered through the SBA. There is always room for improvement. I want my photography business to succeed and thrive. This is what I want to do for the rest of my life and I want to learn everything I can to make that happen.

- Get health insurance. I have no health insurance and that is a scary thing.

- Attend trade shows/craft shows and sell my prints/gifts. I think this will be a great direction for my fine art business to go. I'll get to travel a little, meet new people, and present my photography to entirely new audience. It will be a huge change to have people looking at my prints in person instead of just selling them through the internet.

- Introduce new product lines in my Etsy shop. I have a lot of new ideas for this year. I'm not going to let those secrets out just yet, but I think its going to be really great!

- Be more persistent about promoting my photography. I do a lot to promote my business, but I'm not doing everything I can. I want to focus more on marketing.

Personal Goals/Resolutions:
- Find a charity or non-profit that I believe in and start volunteering. This is something that I have wanted to do for a long time. Now is the time to start giving back.

- Give blood more often. I used to give blood all the time and for some reason I stopped. I think I just got busy, which is a lame excuse. Its an important thing to do and I need to stop making excuses.

- Start exercising regularly again. I'm really thinking about taking up Yoga too. I feel so much better over all when I'm working out regularly. I think more clearly, I sleep better, and I have more energy. The end of 2009 was so crazy with all the traveling and everything. I got out of my routine and I need to get it back.

- Cook my meals at home and stop taking the easy way out...no more drive thru. Its hard to cook for just one or two people so I just grab fast food rather than take the time to cook. Its expensive, its bad for my health, its bad for my weight, and I don't even really like it. I need to stop eating it so much.

- Create a budget and actually stick to it...or close to it. I am terrible about not keeping track of my money. I don't really spend a lot, but I don't keep track of where its going either. I want to start saving a little money this year.

- See more concerts and attend at least one major festival. I love live music and I wasn't able to afford to attend many concerts in 2009. I hear there are going to be a lot of awesome bands on tour this year and I'm determined to go to more shows. I'm putting it in my budget.

- Start meditating. I need something to center me and calm me down. There are so many benefits to meditation. I need something that will help me stay focused and bring down my stress level. Plus, it just feels good to breath deeply.

- Read MANY more books. I have a list of books I want to read and a list of subjects I'm interested in learning more about. I just need to set aside a little time in my day to sit down and read. I love it and I haven't been doing enough of it lately.

- Not drink as much. Don't get me wrong, I definitely benefit from the occasional jack and coke, margarita, or glass of wine. Lately I feel like drinking is nothing more than a huge waste of my time, energy, and money. I'm cutting back.

- Take a real vacation somewhere other than Texas. I love Texas, and I will be on Crystal Beach this summer, but I want to go somewhere I've never been before.

- Spend more time outside. I sit at this computer most of the day. I want to get out in the sunshine more, even if its just for a quick walk.


Happy new beginning everyone!

365 Project: Day 71

Today we drove to Mt Sylvan, TX to visit my grandfather's grave. He passed away on November 19, 2009. Today, December 26th, is also my other grandfather's birthday. He passed away on November 5, 2007. Its was a day to remember two incredibly important men in my life. I miss them both terribly.

On the way back to Port Arthur, we stopped at the Mt. Sylvan Coffee House and Mercantile. I fell in love with this place, and not just because they made me an excellent latte.

The woman who owned the coffee house was so incredibly friendly, sweet, and hospitable. I love when you meet someone who is a genuine, good person. I felt like I was in her home. She took the time to tell us all about her journey in opening this place. You could feel how much of herself she had invested in her dream. Its not often that you meet someone who is excited about what they are doing in the way that she was. It was inspiring.

We got the grand tour. The building was the original Masonic Lodge in the area and had been completely restored. She even reused parts of the original building in the restoration. The cabinet doors in the cafe were made of the original windows from the front of the building. She took us to the upstairs, which she may eventually open as a bed and breakfast. It was an amazing living area. There was also an incredible office upstairs. If I could close my eyes and picture my ideal workspace, this was it. Original hard wood floors, vaulted ceilings, and huge windows with the sun streaming in. The best part was the enormous wooden work bench. I wanted to work there! I would have moved in immediately if she had let me. We all left smiling and talking about how great it was.

It was so inspiring to meet a woman who had worked really hard and made her vision a reality. She had made her dream come true.  I look up to women like her, who have the courage to not just dream, but to dedicate themselves, take a risk, and see their dream to fruition.

365 Project: Day 53

As the saying goes, "When one door closes, another one opens." I don't like this saying. I understand that its meant to be encouraging, but it always sucks when a door closes in your face. Even if another opportunity eventually comes along, who is happy about losing their job, their security, a relationship, a chance at something better, etc? No one likes to be disappointed. I tend to dwell on the closed door for a while.

But then they also say "Opportunity knocks." So, wait, I'm confused. Which side of the door am I on again? Am I waiting for doors to open or am I waiting for opportunity to knock on my door?

Either way, all I know is there are opportunities all around us. You just have to either find them or create your own. I'm not going to waste any more of my time waiting around for a door to open or for the gentle rapping of opportunity coming to find me. I don't have the patience for that. Life is way too short. Instead, I'm going to do it my own way and break down as many doors as it takes to find the life I want.