Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts

January 27, 2010

365 Project: Day 97

You don't have to see my whole face to recognize the sadness and worry captured in my eye. I heard some horrifying news today about an old, dear friend of mine and it just crushed my heart. My attachment to and love for my friends is very powerful. It takes a lot for me to let someone into my life and really consider them a close friend and I consider those friends to be my family. They are a part of me and I would do ANYTHING for them. When they're hurting or going through something terrible in their lives, I feel it in the deepest part of me. I get this overwhelming compulsion to help them and comfort them and be there for them. Knowing that they are beyond my help is devastating to me. I always want nothing but the best for everyone and I personally know so many people who are in a lot of pain right now for various reasons. I feel so helpless and my heart is just breaking for them.

I've got this sinking feeling that something is going terribly wrong in the world right now. I feel it in my gut. I feel like something just isn't right. Yes, I realize that its a cruel, cruel world and bad things happen every day. But I feel like its different. Something has shifted. Natural disasters, economy, hardship, suffering, heartbreak, politics, bad relationships, bad choices. We are living in a very sensitive time. People are distraught. People are on edge. People are at a breaking point. I keep hearing sad story after sad story, not just about the world in general, but from the people in my life. People need help. So, what can I do to help you?

January 20, 2010

365 Project: Day 90

I saw a theme for a photography contest today: What is love? I think I might enter this image. Its not really the sappy hearts and flowers picture that the judges are probably expecting. I've written about love before, but I've never asked myself this specific question. What is love?

Honestly, I can say, I don't think I know anymore. My past experiences with love, in a romantic sense,  have gone from wonderful to frustrating, confusing, and painful. I've lost a lot of myself in relationships. Every time I meet someone new it only gets more and more difficult to give my heart away. Now days, I tend to keep a safe distance.

Each time a relationship ends I retreat to lick my wounds. I hide away and try to put myself back together, stitch by stitch. I won't let anyone in for a long time. Its tough to get through the layer of scar tissue that has grown around my heart. It gets thicker and harder with every break, every wound, every little prick of a hurt feeling.

Right now I feel like things are as they should be. My heart is back in its rightful place. The stitches will hold me together until I can heal completely. It'll take a while, but I'll be good as new one day.

So I ask myself...what is love? To me, love is a broken heart on the mend.