365 Project: Day 139

I had an unexpected epiphany this morning. Things that I had been pondering, ok, things I had been obsessing about, suddenly became very clear to me. Its a strange feeling when you're blindsided by the truth. Its really amazing how things just switched from being confusing and stressful to very simple. If this were a cartoon I'm sure I would've had a huge light bulb appear above my head. The realization was such a huge relief that I actually sort of laughed aloud to myself. Then I realized that I was in public, but I was still smiling at my book. How did I not see things this way before? Perspective truly is everything. 

I just read the book "Delivering Happiness" by Tony Hsieh, the CEO of Zappos.com. A friend insisted that I read it and she even let me borrow her copy. I laid in the park one day and read the entire 240 page book in one sitting. I couldn't put it down. Hsieh's insight on his life, happiness, setting goals, and his philosophy behind the way he runs Zappos is incredibly encouraging and interesting. He is fascinated by the idea of happiness and has done a lot of research about it. He even recommends other books that he has read on the subject.

Now I'm reading one of the books he recommended, "The Happiness Hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt. True happiness has always been a mystery to me. Of course I have been happy and I often am happy, but in general I would never call myself a content or happy person. By nature I'm a worrier. I stress for no reason at all. My stress levels have actually caused me physical illness and intense pain on more than one occasion. What makes it worse, is I know that I do this. I realize there is no reason for me to feel this way in most situations, but I can't help it. Believe me, I've tried.

I don't want to be stressed, frustrated, or anxious and I don't think that I should have to be. I don't want to let the little things get to me anymore. I am on a quest to be happy, or at least to find out why I'm not. The way this book explains what makes us happy and why people tend to dwell on the negative is very scientific. Breaking it down in a factual way makes it all very clear to me why I react the way I do. Its fascinating. This book also gives you suggestions on how to retrain yourself to react differently. I have a lot to learn and this is definitely no easy task, but I figure, hey, its at least worth a shot. 

365 Project: Day 82

I woke up really stressed out this morning. It was the strangest thing. I was in a panic. There was a lot to get accomplished today, but that's not really different from any other day in my life. Sometimes, when I have a lot to do, even though I'm organized and I've made a list of what needs to be accomplished, I lose direction. I'll find myself standing, usually in the middle of my house for some reason, just trying to decide what I need to do first. That's when I start to feel overwhelmed. I'll just stand there or pace around thinking and trying to sort everything out in my head. Then I usually do the dishes or clean something. For some reason, doing the dishes calms me down. Maybe because my hands are busy and I can focus, accomplish something that needs to be taken care of, and burn off some of my nervous energy all at the same time.

I realize its not only the tasks on my list today that are stressing me out, but that's what I focus on. Even though I absolutely love my life right now, there are always those little issues. For one thing, I am exhausted. I don't sleep much or well when I do manage to fall asleep. Money, or my lack thereof really upsets me, even subconsciously. I try not to think about it, but every now and then, it'll creep up on me. There is a reason that the term "Starving Artist" exists, its not a myth. I think it gets to me because I know I'm working so incredibly hard and I'm trying the best I can to pull it all together. I LOVE what I do and that's why I keep at it, but I never seem to get ahead. All this work is toward an ultimate goal, and that's what keeps me going. The tasks on my list, those are the things I have control over. I can complete a list of tasks, but I can't make money magically appear and I can't force myself to rest. Believe me, I've tried to do both. So, every now and then, I have a day like today. A day where all of the things I try not to think about confront me. A day that is overwhelming and upsetting and unbelievably stressful.

Working out helps. I had a long workout today. I'm going to hurt like hell tomorrow, but I feel better right now. Then, I laid down and read a book for a short while so I had time to just breathe. I got to lose myself in Edgar Cayce's life for half an hour. Maybe that's why I like to read biographies. I get to experience someone else's life and avoid whatever is bothering me about mine.

I finished most of the tasks on my list today. I kept up with several of my New Year's resolutions. Those are accomplishments to be happy about. Just as I'm writing this post, I received several positive comments on my photography and an email letting me know that I was featured on a really great blog today! Those are the things that make this struggle all worth while for me. One day all of my hard work will pay off and I will finally get ahead. I know tomorrow I'll be just fine.

Hunter S. Thompson-isms

I heart biographies.  The lives and experiences of other people really interest me.  There are so many amazing people in the world with such great stories to tell and I want to read all of them.

I just picked up a copy of Gonzo, a biography about Hunter S. Thompson, and I can't wait to start reading it! He was so crazy and impulsive and i just LOVE it! 

I came across these Hunter S. Thompson motivational posters on Sloshpot.com. I only posted a few of my favorites but there are more on the website if you want to check them out.

Quote for the day:

"Myths and legends die hard in America.  We love them for the extra dimension they provide, the illusion of near-infinite possibility to erase the narrow confines of most men's reality.  Weird heros and mould-breaking champions exist as living proof to those who need it that the tyranny of "the rat race" is not yet final." -- Hunter S. Thompson

I Have a New Book

Reading is one of my favorite past times.  But since I left Boston, the time I once spent reading while zipping from place to place on the train has been replaced with endless miles of traffic.  (Ugh!)  Since I don't condone reading while driving, I haven't had the time to devote to really sitting down, relaxing and reading a good book.  So, I've taken up the habit of half-reading five or six books at a time.  I only get through the first couple of chapters of most of them.  Then they take up residence on my night stand.  I look at them longingly when I tuck myself in at night, but I'm always too exhausted to pick one up and actually finish it.

This Christmas I received a book store gift card.  Immediately my mind was filled with thoughts of spending hours perusing the store, which I love to do, and buying stacks magazines instead of just flipping through them while standing next to the rack.  

So, gift card in hand, I took a trip down to the book store and picked up a copy of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's book: Influence.  The book was cleverly printed with your choice of Olsen twin on the cover.  When I checked out the clerk made sure to ask me if I chose the cover with the twin I wanted (I chose Ashley). 

I have followed both of their careers for quite some time now.  These two women never cease to amaze me.  They have accomplished so much in their short lives.  I can only dream to be half as motivated and ambitious as they are.  I mean, when do they have time to sleep?  

I haven't finished the book yet (note the first paragraph) but I am fascinated by the lives of the people they chose to interview.  There is such an eclectic group of people with amazing stories and experiences to share.  I am drawn to fashion and art and even more so to the people who create it.  I think this book is going to be a really great edition to my bedside table.  I think one day I'll finish it.  Maybe.