April 27, 2010

365 Project: Day 114

I'm feeling a little less stressed, a little more motivated, and a lot more organized today. I think the beautiful, warm sunshine is making me feel a lot better. The constant desert wind in the Spring just makes everything feel so chaotic. 

The past few weeks have been overwhelming. My mile long to do list has suddenly taken over my life. It seems like as I slowly cross things off, more and more and more just keeps piling on. As a result I'm not only keeping one calendar with my schedule, but two, just to keep track of everything. One in my purse and one in my phone. I have a ringer alert for every single thing that must get done. My life has been planned out hour by hour for the last month. Its exhausting. 

Its hard for me not to take on the world. I'd like to believe that I can do anything. And I can. I may develop severe headaches, and eye twitches in the process, but I am capable of anything. That sounds really healthy, I'm sure. (Please note the sarcasm and eye rolling here.) 

I have this constant compulsion to work and create and just keep pushing and pushing and pushing myself until I just can't go on. I'm not sure where it comes from, but I can't seem to stop it. If I'm not working on something, then I'm thinking about what I "should" be working on. I'm obsessed. I will work myself to exhaustion at the expense of my health, my sanity, my relationships, and my personal life. There is a certain satisfaction I feel when things are getting accomplished. Yes, I realize that this is problem. No, I don't think it will ever change. 

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