365 Project: Day 104

I realize I'm a little late with this one, but I have been VERY sick the last week. I'm still not feeling well at all, but I was determined to accomplish something today. So, here it is:

Day 104:

Its Valentine's Day! A day for love and romance and all of that stuff. I know so many people in crazy relationships right now that it makes me sort of grateful to be single. While it is nice to have someone there to snuggle and hold hands with, love makes you crazy. It makes you feel the most intense emotions. Highs and lows. Every sense is heightened. You act in ways that you never thought you would. There is an upside though. Nothing is better than the feeling of falling in love with someone. Where it gets tough for me is staying in love with someone. The sparkle definitely starts to wear off after a little while. Everyone always says that its because I just haven't met the right person yet. I don't think that's it. I think its definitely not them, its me. I really mean that. 

Being single is a whole new thing for me. I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm learning to live MY life, not my life in a couple. I'm learning to deal with moments of loneliness that I've never had before. But its overall a good thing. This is the longest I have been single in at least 10 years. I'm sort of proud of myself for not jumping right into another serious relationship. That's what I tend to do. I'm ridiculously impulsive when it comes to love. In typical Aquarius fashion, when I find someone I'm interested in, my curiosity takes over, I spend as much time as I can with this person. I basically devour them, learning everything about them, absorbing them like a sponge. Then, once I feel like I've learned everything I can, or I become bored, or they do something that completely turns me off, I run for the hills. Depending on the person this can take days, months or years.

My birthday was this month, and yes, I am a text book Aquarius. Just about every little trait of the water bearer describes me. Its a little freaky how accurate the zodiac can be. Its really very interesting to see every little detail of your personality spelled out on paper by someone who's never met you. Of course there are things about me that are uniquely Sara Norris. But for the most part, I'm proud to say that I am an Aquarius to the core. If you don't know anything about your sign, I suggest you look it up. Even if you don't believe in it. You might learn something about yourself.

365 Project: Day 65

Ah, love. *sigh* People toss the word love around like a ship on a stormy sea and I wear it casually around my neck like a shining silver beacon.

Love is difficult to define. There are as many different kinds of love as there are grains of sand on the shore. I would like to say that I am a hopeless romantic. But I'm not. I'd like to say I believe that in the end, love conquers all. But I don't. I'm just not that girl. I'm the girl who looks at a boy with a suspicious sideways glance. I like the idea of love, but I am its harshest critic. I am a cynic to the very core.

We owe so many great songs and poems to love. Perhaps even more so to the loss of love. Only love can inspire you and demolish you in the same moment. It is the most powerful, uncontrollable, and unpredictable of emotions.

Its an amazing thing. When you are in it, love consumes you. Its a glorious fog. It disorients you and you happily lose yourself in it. Through the eyes of love, the world becomes a place of perfection. The object of your desire, though human, is suddenly without flaw or fault. Even the strongest of people can be melted by the disarming smile of a lover. Something as simple as a kiss can send you soaring. There is nothing like the feeling of recognizing your ideal in another. You surrender, smitten.

When its taken away, we mourn the absence of love like no other emotion. You feel the loss from the inside out. Pain wells up from within, spilling out in each salty tear of despair leaving you an empty vessel. Drained. It breaks you and humbles you in a way that nothing else can. It injures you so deeply that you never fully heal. Where love once lived inside of you, there forever remains a wound, a scar, a reminder.

As time passes, somehow, we find ourselves with sudden amnesia. Forgetting how love once betrayed and destroyed us. We muster the courage to take a risk and we willingly and helplessly fall in love again and again. Carelessly, we place our delicate hearts in the hands of someone who can crush it one swift motion.  It is a brave soul who, full of hope, can give themselves to another without reservation or fear.

For me, it all boils down to this. I didn't buy this necklace because I believe in its message. I don't wear it with the hopes that I will someday fall helplessly under the powers of love. Read into it what you will. My reasons, like love, are complicated. I wear it because I doubt it. I wear it because I run from it. I wear it because I want to remember it. I wear it because I don't want to forget how much it can hurt. I wear it because I fear it. I wear it simply because love, in all its chaos, can be a beautiful thing.